On the Question of Monkeys
by RegenTaenzer
Summary: Showing the Comanche more lands under Spanish reign, Antonio realizes there might just be a problem. Oneshot.


The group was led down a worn path, paved only by the numerous footfalls of thousands of feet, paws and hooves having used this particular trail to make their way. Spain was at the front, a telltale uniform of a conquistador making it impossible to miss him even in the jungle, leading a small group of Comanche Indians who looked about with curiosity.

That is, until one noticed a small frame darting amongst the branches of a tall tree and gestured to the others to take a look. The creature shrieked at something unseen to the men before settling on a branch and looking downward at this bunch of humans that looked far from really fitting in here. The indians murmur amongst themselves, looking to the creature and then to the Spaniard before them with a look of … well, Antonio couldn't quite decipher this look. It was knowing, displeased, and possibly even a little bit sickened all at the same time.

"¿Qué pasó?" the Spaniard remarks, asking what happened in his own language as he's utterly confused at this new sort of attention.

One of the men decides to answer, gesturing helpfully up at the being in the trees. "That," he almost muses, "What is that creature? It looks as if a product of Spain and a cat."

Antonio could swear that the speaking man wasn't surprised, and more so… he was starting to think that they actually thought his people bred with cats. "W-what are you implying?"

"It does not come to surprise us that Spaniards would breed with cats." Another Comanche replies.

Spain couldn't help but be taken back, "What? No!" He almost looks hurt, "Those are monkeys. Monos," he adds to teach them more of his language. After all, he'd taught them so much more than his language: Christianity and how to prove a bounty was complete by use of scalping. "There's no way we'd do something like that! W-we wouldn't breed with cats, and besides… I don't think that would work…"

They nodded, but weren't convinced.

----

"And they accused me of making love to cats to produce monkeys!" Antonio decried this accusation, hugging a tomato-shaped pillow close to his chest.

Lovino regarded the other for a moment before offering a rather cruel smirk, "I can see the resemblance." He knew he wasn't helping, but he couldn't help but find it hilarious that those that Antonio ruled over in the New World were actually accusing him of bestiality. Not to mention that Antonio was responding like this. Then again… The Spaniard always was one for this kind of overreaction, and it was far too easy to make Antonio feel and act this way. Like taking candy from a baby.

There was something of a sharp gasp, "Not you too, Romano!"

The man in question just sighed.

"Ay, but seriously! To make love to gatos? _Cats_? They must really look down upon me!"

Lovino simply clicked his tongue, "I can think of worse things. Besides, I wouldn't be surprised with anything about you in regard to the New World. What with all the stuff I've heard about you when you're there. All you do is go to these countries, teach them Spanish and how to scalp people, pay them off for stealing your stuff, and kill them. What's breeding with cats to cutting the scalp off of people and bringing them home? You better not do that here or I'm leaving, you bastard." He glared to send the message more effectively.

At this, Antonio frowned for the briefest of moments before he smiled and closed his eyes. He abandoned his pillow to reach over and grab and rub that annoying strand of hair that he usually took in his grasp to make Lovino listen. "You don't believe I do that stuff; do you, Romanooo~?"

It was all true accusations, and Lovino knew it. Not only did that lying piss him of, but the grabbing of his ahoge really hit the insult home. He was furious. With a hiss, Lovino swatted Antonio's hand away and stormed out of the room with his face as red as, you guessed it, a tomato.

The last thing he heard before slamming the door was the cry of, "Romanoooooo~!"

Spain slumped his shoulders in defeat, holding the tomato pillow back up to his chest and murmured to himself with a frown, "I'm not _that bad, am I?"_

_---_

_A/N: They... they really did think that monkeys were a product of Spaniards breeding with cats. Comparing any person and a cat to a monkey, I really can't blame them... They had never seen one and wanted to be able to explain it, after all!  
_


End file.
